Book It

Book It – In News Today: Lexi Ryan To Release More Smexy Novels; Cover Reveals Whet Anticipation!

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I may have a crush on Lexi Ryan. Okay, there is no ‘may’ here, I have a girl crush on Lexi Ryan. I lurved the Here and Now Series and I have been waiting with bated breath for her to come out with newbie novels for me to gush and babble happily about to people who do not read books about and care even less about my interests. But I don’t wait on her books merely to bore my enemies and family, I truly can’t wait to devour the joy of her efforts. This is a woman who wisely and believably creates the fiction that makes your inner critic want to argue about the details but it’s way too busy fanning itself from it’s bookgasm to fuss! I cannot wait for Something Reckless! Do me up, Lexi Ryan, I am your book reviewing slave!

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Book Reviews

Tongue Wagger – Imaginary Lines by Allison Parr

Imaginary-Lines-StrokeWhat is it about sports dudes that makes sports dude heroes so yummy? Let’s be fair, you, like me–I’m going based upon stereotypes, my own prejudice, and life experience–probably grew up in the library. In high school I knew sports dudes, even dated one or two but I was a nerd and a weirdo. Girls who read books and dudes who run around smacking other dudes on the butt and shower circle in different environs. Scratch that; we live in different worlds. We girls who read books live in fantasy worlds that will one day lead us to read about sports dudes. Boys who hit their heads repeatedly and run fast live in the real world where they get mad play. In high school we generally resent them for being dicks and idiots and they think we are prudish cows.

How do we get to books like Imaginary Lines from that sad origin?

Well… as we get older we find that regular fiction books alone don’t sexually complete us, we yearn for the experienced weiners who are attached to well formed dudes that have some notoriety. And why not? Makes good reading. Not to mention we live in hope that dicks and idiots can grow up and we can not just look at them but we can talk to them and keep them too.

Ali, so bitchy! Forgive John Whatever-whatever his name is already. He was not the only dude that fell asleep while on the phone with you. So what he wanted to get it on with you… he was just a dirtbag quarterback and you were a skeevy metal girl, you made sense for the two minutes you dated him in 9th grade. You were 14. It was over 25 years ago. David always buys your ice cream and fro-yo now, you don’t have to pay your own cone anymore. LET. IT. GO!

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Book Reviews

Makin’ The Love Monday – Geek Bearing Gifts by Milly Taiden

Geek-Bearing-Gifts-strokes“RAWR!”, big teddy bears of Stone Clan! I love y’all and I know the needs of Stone Clan, you yearn for vivacious suds and voluptuous bods!

Milly I have a fantastical idea… why stop at a dating agency? We need a paranormal singles bar. A Bear Bar! A bar bears can get brown bottled brew and bare their furry needs for bodaciously beautiful Betties. I bring the gift of hops to Milly’s dating world. Wine is fine, liquor is quicker, but beer is dear to the simple soul and kindhearted.

Y’all want Nitas of your own! I don’t blame you, Nita is muy caliente and I think Milly probably burned out her keyboard with some of the humma-da-humma-da in Geek Bearing Gifts. Actually, I think she and her keyboard probably know one another so well that she can telepathically send it messages and it writes her books while she is elsewhere. It also edits her books and publishes them digitally while she is getting her nails and her did. Her keyboard probably converts to a sex toy and psychotherapist as well! Eff me… I need to train my keyboard to be like her keyboard! Every girl needs a Milly Taiden keyboard; I hope mine comes in pink!

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Book It

Book It – In News Today: Jennifer L. Armentrout Releases Stone Cold Touch; Readers Stymied by Which Book Boyfriend to Squee Loudest About

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Jennifer L. Armentrout has delivered this book just in time to remind me that I have not started this series and I’m this much further behind. From the facts and booty in my Release Blitz Benefits Package this book is here to give us the one thing all romance readers LURVE: a love triangle. I was going hard in the sarcasm on that. I figure that this is like chintz someday someone will catch on that we like ass sores more than we like rivals for one girl’s or guy’s affection until then we have the joy of Swedish Fish and comfort of kittens. While we wait, get your go juice of choice, curl up and get the first book if you haven’t already; late to the party like myself–links to Bitter Sweet Love and White Hot Kiss at the bottom of the post. One thing I can say is that JLA is a seasoned creator of tasty stories so noshing on this will give you a feel-good high that will be worth the time… and if there was ever an Artisté talented on making swoony, snarky, dream guys it would be Jennifer. Perhaps we should have her rewrite Congress and make it a sci-fi, paranormal, urban-fantasy… I bet it would be far more entertaining than it is currently painful.

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Uncategorized

Makin’ The Love Monday – Changing His Game by Justine Elvira

Changing-His-Game-StrokeYou know all those things that girls and women with sand in their vaginas start yelling about not liking about books like this before you can say, ‘it’s really not like that’.

‘Porn? That guy is a slut.’

‘I don’t like books where there is cheating.’

‘It’s about the sex industry!’

I’m not here to argue with you. This book is just one of the ones that I loved most this year. Read it or don’t read it, you have sand in your crotch; I don’t care! This book is far better than all that silly crap you have been wibbly lipped, schmoozing about while being boozy over wine. It’s not worth it to me to convince you to read a fan-effin’-tastic book that has an INCREDIBLEFREAKINGSTORY that has spanked me twice and called me Sally, but then got it right and called me Ali. I know that there are just some dried up, sandy vaginas that wouldn’t know a good romance if it was strongly urged for them by a well informed book reviewer. I know no matter what I say you aren’t going to suck up your wrongly assumed preconceived notions to take the chance on it.

Sit back wino, and sip your Merlot. I’m sure you can find another Nicholas Sparks book that will be to your liking. He drops those like John Green drops facts, there will be something touching and monotonous in a few–I mean Nicholas Sparks is touching and monotonous, I find Mental Floss incredible titillating.

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Interviews

He Said, She Said – Fictional Friends: Getting to Know the Dirt About Fallen Fourth Three! Part 2

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Time for part 2 of my 4 part, ‘Getting to Know You Questionnaire’ with the Fallen Crest Three or Fallen Four Three… or maybe I should just stick with calling them Sam, Mason and Logan. Today is Sam’s Four Threes Portion! This is four questions with three answers. I gave the same questions to all three of them and of course what I got back was not enough to diagram a sentence, but thanks to my handy dandy email attachment bug that allowed me to access their webcam and see and hear their conversation, I got to hear the three of them discuss their answers! #SQUEEE!

This is Sam’s and I have to admit that she is more girly girl on the inside when she was divulging her real answers with Logan and Mason than the word association answers she replied to me in email. I already said in the first post how disappointed I was about this… I’ve given it thought and she just doesn’t KNOW me yet and this is the perfect time for her to see she can trust me with her heart! I am showing her with this post that she can BE HERSELF in a safe place with me and I will ALWAYS have her back! Sam, me and you, sister of my heart! You and me, Besties! #BFFS4EVAH

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