![\"Banner\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/havecoffeeneedbooks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/Banner.jpg?resize=640%2C247&ssl=1\")
\nby Lexi Ryan<\/p>\n
\nby Lexi Ryan<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve read the first two books of the Here and Now series, you probably have some opinions about Meredith. You might have some choice words for her as well. I know I do. When I first started writing about her, I said, \u201cSome people are just horrible.\u201d But even horrible people have their reasons\u2014valid or not.<\/p>\n
When I first \u201cmet\u201d Meredith while writing Wish I May <\/i>(William and Cally\u2019s book), I didn\u2019t like her. At. All.<\/i> When I realized what roll she played in Hanna\u2019s books, I liked her even less. You see, in my mind, Meredith is very much like this girl I grew up with, let\u2019s call her\u2026Emily* (*name changed to protect the not-so-innocent). \u201cEmily\u201d was horrible to me, and I never understood why. She was wealthy and \u201cpopular\u201d (a misnomer, in my opinion, as the \u201cpopular\u201d group was always a rather small percentage of my school). I was from a struggling middle-class family and a bank geek. She was blonde and thin and wore the nicest clothes. I was mousy and overweight and wore my big sisters\u2019 hand-me-downs. I never understood why she seemed to hate me so much.<\/p>\n
I went to school with Emily from grade school through high school graduation, though we were in very few classes together since I was in the advanced or \u201cacademically talented\u201d classes. But she was around just enough to make a mark on me. If I already had issues about my changing body, Emily made them worse by mocking me when we changed in the gym locker room. If I felt awkward and unwelcome in social settings, Emily made it worse by tripping me in the bleachers at the Homecoming game and laughing with her friends as I scrambled to my feet. Emily was a total bitch.<\/p>\n
As a writer, of course, I look back and want to know what her motivation was. Was I just an easy target? She could be Queen Bee of her little group and show her power by making me feel small? Maybe. But I like to think people are more complex than that.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll never forget the day we were meeting with advisors from a small private college. Emily desperately wanted to go to this college. I\u2019d already been admitted and knew I\u2019d be going under and academic scholarship. Emily hadn\u2019t been admitted and she raised her hand to ask the advisors if they would be willing to take a writing sample instead of basing her entry on SAT scores and grades. I remember it so well. She said, \u201cI can\u2019t take tests, but I\u2019m not stupid.<\/i>\u201d And then she turned and glared at me, and there was so much hatred in her eyes I\u2019ve never been able to forget it. You see, I had no idea that she struggled with her grades or with taking tests. All I saw was a pretty, rich girl who was mean to me. But I guess it was <\/i>common knowledge that I was quite smart. I was in all the advanced classes, praised for my work, and I\u2019ve never had the problem with testing that some students have. I liked reading and writing and studying\u2014something that may get you mocked in middle school but gets you money when college rolls around. Never<\/i> would I have imagined that my success as a student <\/i>had anything to do with how Emily treated me, but in that moment, I knew it did. She resented me for being able to do what she could not.<\/p>\n
As I wrote All for This, <\/i>I realized the same was true for Meredith. She isn\u2019t \u201cjust a bitch.\u201d She had her reasons. Does that make what she\u2019s done right? Absolutely not. But it does remind me of Emily and that look in her eyes when she said, \u201cI\u2019m not stupid.\u201d <\/i>I don\u2019t hate \u201cEmily\u201d anymore. I hope she\u2019s doing well and that she is secure enough in herself these days that she doesn\u2019t have to humiliate others to feel okay about her own weaknesses.<\/p>\n
On a final note, I want to say this blog post is probably the most personal one I\u2019ve ever written. I don\u2019t like to write this much about myself\u2014I prefer fiction, TVYM. But since this is for the final book in Hanna\u2019s series, it seems fitting. I\u2019ve gotten so many letters from readers who relate to Hanna and her self-esteem issues, and I\u2019ll admit, I do too. Luckily for me, I know all about finding the guy (or guys <\/i>in Hanna\u2019s case), that teach you to feel comfortable in your own skin. My wish for you is that, if you see yourself in Hanna, you can learn for her mistakes. You are more beautiful than you know, and the people who bring you down aren\u2019t \u201cright\u201d about you. They\u2019re fighting their own demons. Smile and carry on. (Unless they trip you in the bleachers in front of your whole high school. Then you have my permission to start swinging\u2026)<\/p>\n
XOXO,<\/p>\n
Website<\/a> | Facebook<\/a> | Twitter<\/a> | Google+<\/a> | Goodreads<\/a> | Amazon Author Page<\/a> | Pinterest<\/a><\/p>\n Makin’ The Love Monday – All For This by Lexi Ryan<\/a> The last thing I remember is having drinks at Brady\u2019s and trying to avoid eye-contact with my life-long crush\u2014the gorgeous, unattainable Maximilian Hallowell. They tell me that was a year ago, but I have no memories of anything since then. What I do have is this ring on my finger that Max says he gave me, and this much-thinner body I\u2019ve dreamed of most of my life. Aside from a case of retrograde amnesia, everything seems almost…perfect.<\/p>\n But the deeper I immerse myself into this new world of mine\u2014planning a wedding to a man I don’t remember dating, attempting to run a business I don’t remember starting\u2014the clearer it becomes that nothing is as it seems. Do I have the life I\u2019ve always wanted or is it a facade propped up by secrets I don’t even know I have?<\/p>\n I need answers before I marry Max, and the only person who seems to have them is the angry, tatted, sexy-as-sin rocker Nate Crane. And Nate wants me for himself.<\/p>\n Purchase Lost In Me:<\/strong><\/p>\n Amazon<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Amazon-UK<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0B&N<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0iTunes<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Kobo<\/a><\/p>\n Torn between two men\u2026<\/p>\n When I woke up after the accident, I couldn\u2019t remember anything from the last year\u2014including my relationship with Max Hallowell or anything about Nate Crane. Now my memories are returning, but instead of answering my questions, they\u2019re leaving me with more.<\/p>\n The man who broke my heart and wants to be my future\u2026<\/p>\n Max is all I ever wanted, and now he wants to marry me. He\u2019ll do everything he can to fill my life with love, family, and security. I need those things now more than ever. But can I trust him?<\/p>\n The man who stole my heart and wants to let me go\u2026<\/p>\n Nate never made me promises, and I never asked him to. I\u2019d been on the rebound, looking for a distraction, and he made me feel beautiful and wanted when I needed to feel those things most. He says he has to let me go, but what if I can\u2019t let go of him?<\/p>\n With every revelation and every passing day, I feel more like Alice down the rabbit hole. I\u2019m falling. Who will catch me?<\/p>\n Fall to You is the second book in the Here and Now series. It is not a stand-alone and is intended to be read following Lost in Me. Hanna\u2019s story concludes in book three, All for This.<\/p>\n Purchase Fall To You:<\/strong><\/p>\n Amazon<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0B&N<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0iTunes<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Kobo<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Smashwords<\/a><\/p>\n He pushes one dress strap off my shoulder and tugs on the fabric until one lace-covered breast is exposed.<\/p>\n He groans softly. \u201cYour bra matches your panties.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened to those?\u201d<\/p>\n With a boyish grin, he produces them from the pocket of his jeans. I take them and hold them up. They\u2019re ruined. Torn at both hips. And I\u2019m not the slightest bit upset about it.<\/p>\n I prop my hands on my hips in a pretend pout. \u201cNow what am I going to put on after our shower?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf I have my way? Not a damn thing.\u201d<\/p>\n Dropping his head, he puts his mouth to my breast and sucks me through the lace. The sensation is too much\u2014the wet heat of his tongue, the rough texture of the lace, the painful pleasure of his rough mouth. I cry out, and the sound echoes against the walls.<\/p>\n Before I realize what he\u2019s doing with his hands, my dress falls away, puddling at my ankles and leaving me standing there in nothing but my bra and my strappy heels. He slowly drags his mouth from my breast, and my nipple puckers harder in the cool air as Nate steps back to take me in.<\/p>\n This is the part I hate. Men\u2019s assessing eyes on all my imperfections\u2014the stretch marks at my breasts, the extra fat around my stomach, the cellulite on my ass and at the tops of my thighs. There\u2019s nothing sexy about any of these parts of me. And there\u2019s nothing that turns me off more than the disappointment in men\u2019s eyes when they get me naked. It wasn\u2019t like that with Max. But then again, I\u2019ve never let him see me naked\u2014not entirely. And by the time he saw me semi-nude, he was already in love with me.<\/p>\n Or you thought he was.<\/i><\/p>\n I focus on Nate and will myself to stop thinking about Max. I won\u2019t let my broken heart ruin this night. This isn\u2019t about love or men who make you feel whole. This is about sex and pleasure and\u2014<\/p>\n Nate lifts his eyes back to mine, and what I see there brings my overactive brain to a screeching halt. Not disappointment. No. The heat in his eyes is undeniable. And it\u2019s for me.<\/p>\n \u201cYou couldn\u2019t be more perfect, Hanna.\u201d<\/p>\n I look down, confused. Has someone else\u2019s body magically replaced mine, because\u2026? It\u2019s true that I\u2019ve toned up a bit in these last months while working out with Max, lost maybe ten pounds, but I still don\u2019t have anything near the bodies my sisters have. I\u2019m still the size-sixteen embarrassment I\u2019ve been since adolescence.<\/p>\n Nate tilts my chin up with his thumb. He cocks his head as he studies me. \u201cYou really don\u2019t know, do you? Our conversation earlier wasn\u2019t just an act. You have no idea how gorgeous you are.\u201d<\/p>\n I want to shrug it off, but he\u2019s looking at me so intently, I know he expects an answer. \u201cI\u2019ve never been with a guy who was\u2026into big girls.\u201d<\/p>\n He grunts. \u201cIs that what you think this is? Some sort of fetish?\u201d<\/p>\n I shrug and drop my gaze to his throat.<\/p>\n \u201cHanna, I\u2019m not \u2018into big girls,\u2019 as you put it. I like women. Beautiful women. Women who have curves.\u201d He steps forward and twists the front clasp on my bra until it releases. The straps slide off my shoulders, and the bra falls to the floor. \u201cI like breasts,\u201d he murmurs, cupping mine in his hands and brushing his thumbs over my nipples.<\/p>\n I shudder at his touch, that knot of pleasure tightening between my legs.<\/p>\n He steps closer, and my breasts press against his chest. He slides his hands around my back and down until they\u2019re cupping my butt. \u201cAnd I\u2019m not ashamed to say, I\u2019m a bit of an ass man.\u201d He squeezes. \u201cFabulous to look at and something to fill my hands when I\u2019m fucking you from behind.\u201d<\/p>\n My breath catches at the image.\u00a0Fucking me from behind<\/i>. No doubt he wouldn\u2019t be talking to me like that if he had any idea how inexperienced I am.<\/p>\n \u201cNate\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n The sight of him dropping to his knees cuts me off. \u201cAnd this.\u201d He presses his mouth against the curve of my belly. \u201cI\u2019ve been with women who have flat stomachs and women who are soft here. Beauty comes in different shapes, colors, and sizes. There\u2019s no cookie cutter for sexy.\u201d<\/p>\n At the gentle pressure on the inside of my thighs, I widen my stance instinctively, bracing myself on the counter as the most intimate part of me is exposed to him. I shudder as he takes two fingers and traces some invisible line from just below my pubic bone to my center.<\/p>\n \u201cThis,\u201d he murmurs. He lifts his gaze to mine and touches his fingers to his lips for a moment. \u201cHow turned on you get when I touch you? When I talk to you? It\u2019s is the sexiest fucking thing in world.\u201d<\/p>\n What if you would never remember the day you made the most important decision of your life?<\/p>\n That\u2019s what they\u2019re telling me about the day of my accident\u2014the day I put on Max\u2019s ring and chose him over Nate. I\u2019m counting on the wisdom behind a decision I don\u2019t remember making.<\/p>\n Max is amazing\u2014sexy, sweet, and kind. I was starting to believe happily-ever-after might be in my future after all. Then the unthinkable happened and my world imploded. If I\u2019m going to make this work with Max, I need my missing memories, or at least answers from about those five days before my accident.<\/p>\n But what does my future hold if those answers aren\u2019t anything like I imagined?<\/p>\n Purchase All For This:<\/strong><\/p>\n Amazon<\/a>\u00a0| Amazon-UK<\/a>\u00a0| B&N<\/a> | iTunes<\/a> | Kobo<\/a> |\u00a0Google Play<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Blog-Separater2\"](\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/havecoffeeneedbooks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/Blog-Separater2.jpg?resize=400%2C80&ssl=1\")
Lexi Ryan’s Web Tracks:<\/strong><\/p>\nLexi Ryan on All The Things Inbetween:<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nBook It – In News Today: Here and Now, Lexi Ryan Gives Sneak Peak of All For This<\/a>
\nMakin’ The Love Monday – Fall To You by Lexi Ryan<\/a>
\nWeekend Pick Me Up – Lost In Me by Lexi Ryan<\/a>
\nBook It – In News Today: Lexi Ryan Brings You Here and Now Cover Reveal<\/a>
\nBook It – In News Today: Lexi Ryan’s Lost In Me Sneak Peek!<\/a><\/p>\nLexi Ryan’s Books:<\/strong><\/p>\n![\"Lost](\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/havecoffeeneedbooks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/LostInMe-Amazon-GR-SW.jpg?resize=255%2C400&ssl=1\")
Lost In Me Synopsis:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n![\"Add-to-Goodreads\"](\"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/havecoffeeneedbooks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/Add-to-Goodreads.jpg?resize=130%2C48&ssl=1\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\"FallToYou](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/alicrean.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/FallToYou-Amazon-GR-SW-682x1024.jpg?resize=255%2C382\")
Fall To You Synopsis:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/a><\/a><\/p>\nFall To You Excerpt:<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/p>\n![\"Makin'](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/havecoffeeneedbooks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/All-for-This-cover-stroke.jpg?resize=255%2C400&ssl=1\")
<\/a>All For This Synopsis:<\/span><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
![\"AllTheThings\"](\"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/havecoffeeneedbooks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/AllTheThings.jpg?resize=400%2C133&ssl=1\")
<\/a><\/p>\n![\n<\/a>](\"https:\/\/havecoffeeneedbooks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/goodreads-badge-add-plus_zps5d68ec23.png\"){kind=link}