Hashtag: Luck and Charms – Lucky Charms by Alison Bliss

ByMs Ali Cat: Ali Crean | On March 30,15 | 0 Comment

Alison Bliss, author of the highly acclaimed romantic comedy Rules of Protection, has stepped in to be my final Luck AND Charms guest. I find her hilarious and love reading her stuff because she is in tune with my need to wet myself while laughing from humorous repartee. It’s hard to do properly and it comes so easy to Alison that I dearly wish to start the INTERNATIONAL ALISON BLISS FANCLUB. You can paypal me your membership dues and you will receive some balls fresh off the fish’s body, and a homemade badge you can use to claim that you are identified to be of one of the numerous protection agencies. It will be made from construction paper and macaroni so I recommend you only show it to those you most wish to impress with your lofty station.

For Alison’s Luck AND Charms she muses over her preference for lucky tails, unlucky fowl boobs, how to best position lucky feet, and some pussy. You definitely need to stay for the lucky pussy so read all the way through and find out how you too can get lucky.

And just so you know, I swear I said AND.

Lucky Charms

When Ali first approached me about writing a blog post about Lucky Charms, I thought, “What the hell? I can write an article about cereal with marshmallows.” How hard could it be, right? I mean, there are pink hearts, yellow stars, green clovers, and even purple horseshoes. Oh, did I mention they’re magically delicious? And I do a fantastic impression of Lucky the Leprechaun. Check this out. “You’re always after me Lucky—”

Eh, hold on a second, I think Ali is trying to tell me something.

*incoherent whispering*

Um, so I’m back. And as I was saying…today I’m here to talk about luck AND charms (although someone failed to make that very clear). *ahem*

So let’s start of by considering different animal-related “lucky charms” and talking about what they could possibly mean for the majority of us who live with a superstitious mind-set. Yeah, that sounds good. We’ll do that. *grin*

I am a true lover of all things furry (get your mind out of the gutter), which is why my book, Rules of Protection, featured so many animal characters. And they were definitely characters within their own right. I receive just as many comments about the rooster and the snake in my book than the hero or heroine. True story. And those critters would not at all appreciate the implications that parts of an animal’s body are considered lucky, much less want to be made into charms.

Here are some examples:

A rabbit’s foot:

I’m not sure what person in their right mind got the idea to cut off some poor rabbit’s foot and stick it on a keychain, much less why this would be considered lucky. It damn sure wasn’t lucky for the three-footed bunny that now has to wear a prosthetic. I mean, why does it have to be a rabbit’s foot? Why couldn’t it be the ear? Or a fluffy bunny tail? Surely they could live without their tails, right?

Wishbone:

Some people believe breaking our feathered friends’ dried out wishbones in half are supposed to be good luck because the winner who receives the larger piece of the wishbone will be granted a wish. I’m seriously questioning the sanity of this. Who makes this stuff up? How is bone-nabbing from a corpse of a dead bird going to give you a wish?

A horseshoe:

Okay, so this one doesn’t seem so bad. The shoe is technically not a part of the horse’s anatomy, so it seems like a safer bet…at least for the horse. But there’s still a problem. There are many different beliefs as to whether the horseshoe you hang over your doorway should face upwards or downwards. So what do you do? How do you decide who’s right? Flip a coin? Because if so, your coin could land in the wrong direction and by accident, you have now just doomed yourself to a life of bad luck and misery. That’s not really something I would take a chance on. Actually, if you’re looking to let some back luck into your life, I find breaking mirrors to be much more effective than nailing holes in your wall.

Black cats:

This one is a bit different from the rest, since crossing paths with a black cat is associated with bad luck. That’s probably not a bad thing for the cat, especially after seeing what happened to the rabbit’s foot. But it does make me feel terrible for all the black cats of the world that have been avoided and neglected all because of the color of their fur. We should probably start a feline support group in their honor where we take turns petting the shit out of them.

So there you have it.

I guess you can consider this a list of list of luck and charms that you might want to reconsider. In fact, there are more benign charms out there one could acquire. Such as the four-leaf clover. No animals are harmed in the making of this charm. But they are pretty hard to find and it takes quite a few hours of crawling around in a patch of clover to locate one of these babies. Of course, that’s if you ever actually find one. Chances are, you may end up smashing a cricket—or possibly several—in your attempt to retrieve your good luck. And killing crickets is considered extremely bad luck in many cultures, even if done accidentally.

So I say give up on finding charms and just work on being a good person and letting luck find you. Because if you’re down on your luck and you don’t have any charm, then you’re pretty much screwed.

Rules of Protection Synopsis:

It’s rule breaker Emily Foster’s birthday, and like everyone at The Jungle Room, she just wants to get some action. Unfortunately, she stumbles on the wrong kind, witnessing a mob hit. To protect her, she’s entered into the Witness Protection Program with by-the-book Special Agent Jake Ward as her chaperone.

When the location of their safe house is compromised, Jake stashes Emily deep in the Texas backwoods. The city-girl might be safe from the Mafia, but she has to contend with a psychotic rooster, a narcoleptic dog, crazy cowboys, and the danger of losing her heart to the one man she can’t have.

Jake’s as hot as he is infuriating, and she can’t help but push all his buttons to loosen him up. Their mutual, sizzling sexual attraction poses a dilemma: Jake’s determined to keep her safe and out of the wrong hands; she’s determined to get into the right ones—his.

Purchase Rules of Protection:

Rules of Protection Excerpt:

I felt someone toe me.

“I’m not dead yet,” I said weakly.

“I know,” Jake said. “So why are you still on the ground?”

“Because I’ve been shot.”

Jake paused for a beat. “No, you haven’t.”

I rolled over onto my back, which exhausted more effort than it should have. “Then why do I feel like I have a punctured lung?” I asked in a raspy, whispering voice. “I can barely catch my breath.”

“Sorry,” Jake said, hoisting me to my feet. “I must’ve knocked the wind out of you.”

He hadn’t lied when he said he held back during our earlier fight. A macho, all-American male. Probably even played football at some point. I wouldn’t have been any match for him unless he had tried to keep me from getting hurt in that alley. This time I got hurt, but that’s because he was trying to keep me from getting…well, dead.

“You’re bad luck,” I told him.

“I saved your ass twice tonight. How am I bad luck?”

“It’s the third time I’ve scuffed the floor with my face since you’ve been around. If you’re the undercover agent, how come I always end up being the one on the ground?”

“I like being on top,” he said smugly. “Besides, none of those incidents were my fault.”

“Two of them were,” I argued, shaking glass fragments from my hair and dusting off my clothes as an ambulance came up the driveway.

“Look at the bright side. At least you’re not the one who got shot.”

“What, someone was shot?”

“Officer Stevens.”

I covered my mouth. “Is he…?”

“No, he’ll be fine. Stevens caught a stray bullet in the shoulder, but it doesn’t look bad. He’s lucky they were aiming for you.”

Copyright © 2014 by Alison Bliss. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce, distribute, or transmit in any form or by any means. For information regarding subsidiary rights, please contact the Publisher.

Meet Alison Bliss:

As the youngest of five sisters, I have never turned down a challenge…or been called by the right name. My writing career may have started out as a dare by one of my sisters, but I haven’t put my pen down since.

I grew up on a small island off the Texas Gulf Coast, where most of my childhood vacations consisted of camping or hunting trips to the deer lease. Although I’ll always be a Texan at heart, I currently reside in the Midwest with my Iowa farm-boy husband and our two sons. With so much testosterone in my home, it’s no wonder I write “girl books.”

I am an animal lover, a closet video game enthusiast, and believe the way to know if someone is your soul mate is by canoeing with them because if you both make it back alive, it’s obviously meant to be. I am an avid romance reader who enjoys penning the type of books I love to read most: fun, steamy love stories with heart, heat, laughter, and usually a cowboy or two. As I call it, “Romance…with a sense of humor.”

Alison Bliss’ Web Tracks:

Alison Bliss on All The Things Inbetween:

Makin’ The Love Monday – Rules of Protection by Alison Bliss

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